Random - Workaholic

फर्स्ट इयर !

2011-04-22T09:57:00.002+05:30

क्या सीखा है मैंने अपने पहले साल में
यह तो मैं भी नहीं जानता,
प्रोफेस्सर में नहीं होता है दिमाग,
अब तो हर फर्स्ट इयर है मानता.

पहले दिन तो बड़ा जोश था,
जा बैठे पहली सीट पर,
अगले ही सेमेस्टर न क्लास का होश था,
सोना और facebook किया पूरे पीक पर.

डीसी से फिल्म देखने के लिए,
नाईट आउट मारे खूब,
CS के ऐसे फैन हुए,
भाषा में प्रयोग करने लगे affirmative और noob.

इतना बुरा झेलने की शमता है हममे,
तभी शायद कोई IITian grad हिम्मत नहीं हारता,
हिम्मत न हारने की मिसाल ही हम है,
प्रोफेस्सर और यहाँ के खाने से फ्रुस्स्त न कोई कम है.

जिंदा रहा हु मैं अभी तक,
इसी पर आश्चर्य है मुझे,
मैस की रोटी को कैसे झेला है,
इसकी दर्दनाक कहानी सुना सकता हु तुझे.

स्पेशल कह कहकर,
हफ्ते भर पहले का खाना है इन्होने खिलाया,
रोटी रबड़ और स्टील की भी बनाई जा सकती है,
इन्होने ही है सिखाया.

रोज बाहर खाने गए,
जब तक जेबे नहीं हो गयी खाली,
और फिर आखिर बोले
"इससे भी बुरी हो सकती है क्या अपनी ज़िन्दगी साली".

दोस्तों के साथ ही टाइम निकल गया,
रात रात भर २.२ और कैंटीन को नापा,
गाली देते रहे कॉलेज को,
टू आल थिस CGPA और EndSem का स्यापा.

लेकिन अब आखिर में,
फिर भी खुश हैं हम,
25% इंजिनियर आखिर,
बन चुके ही है हम.

End of First Year

2011-04-20T03:19:00.002+05:30

And alas, my first year at IIT is just about to end. The end semester exams start off tomorrow, but I'm not totally dreaded, because I know I'll be back home as soon as they end.

Now I actually believe that engineering courses are not for 4 or 5 years, they're in totality for a maximum of 8-10 months. This is the total time in those entire 4-5 years that we actually end up studying (or mugging) engineering and giving the exams, exams which are a failed yardstick for our engineering capabilities. And the actual learning and shaping up of ourselves comes in the rest of the time.

In my first year, I've made few mistakes, learned from a lot of them, seen around a bit of 'lot of the world'. But what was most important - not much of the learning flowed in from the classroom, it was very little for what I can possibly apply in my life later. The real experiences and important learning came from my environment and not the labs. People who taught me more about things were my friends, seniors, people like mess workers whom you would think were irrelevant and not the professors with PhD degrees. I'm happy to have not lived the year in a cocoon like many others (who were either struggling to come to terms with the environment, or mugging day out for changing their departments to go to those 'elite' computer science or electronics courses).

Well, certain things have left me thinking since a few days. With placements and admissions of IIT grads going on, many of them making way to Fortune 500 companies, whilst others have secured admissions into international universities - the likes of Berkeley, MIT and even some into the prestigious IIMs. It has certainly left me thinking, which would be the path for me. Either one of them, or none of them.

The thought which I started off with, to be a naval architect, and just do something for the country through probably the Indian navy still holds steady. But then there are clouded thoughts of going abroad to do some masters or get absorbed into the ship industry abroad. (MBA is not at all an option for me, not even in the rarest of dream have I dreamed of getting into finance or getting into things for 'finance'). But this abroad stuff would be like falling into the herds of sheep yet again. I don't know what opportunities possibly lie in the future for me, but then, it's a natural tendency for humans to speculate over the ones that they know of.

Whatever it may be at the end, I am not sure. But whatever it would be, I know I will make the wisest choice and follow my heart over everything else.

And I bid a cheerful adieu to my first year! :)

Chase

2011-04-11T23:04:00.000+05:30

I'm no longer chasing,
the mere shadow of my own,
For I've redeemed myself,
Out of all the uncertainties I've grown.

A man must keep happy,
But must keep away from avarice,
Shiny diamonds might not be sometime all,
Gazing at the stars can be bliss.

I know not where I end,
or where I all began,
I know not each step I've taken,
But I know, it was all sturdy,
Nothing from my life was forsaken.

Kid at heart I might be,
Amateur as they can call,
But the day when I walk,
At my behest they'll walk and fall.

Unafraid I am,
Except of "The Mightiest One",
I'm the master of my fate,
I'm the captain of my soul.
I'll always be one
No matter how many times,
I may rise and fall.

This had been quite in my mind, I've finally decided to stick to my branch (Naval Architecture) at College instead of going for a branch change to Computers, electrical or electronics etc. I would just want to join Indian Navy or some ship building company and actually create something as real as a ship, and not take up just another high fat paying finance or a crappy job later.

After 20 years, I can say how many ships I made, how many different seas I've been to, if I could actually serve the nation (or myself) and make several mothers instead of only one happy... and all this instead of saying "I screwed up in a crappy high paying unsatisfied computer industry and sat on my ass for 3/4th of my life in front of a computer or a big electrical machine."

Mind over Money. Soul over Mind.

The Awesome-most Month!

2011-02-15T23:41:00.004+05:30

\m/ Hell Yeah, we rocked!!!

The ASP friends from Spring Fest 2011...You all guys rocked man!

The complete gang at Debashish's treat!

The worse part of 'celebration' of my Birthday! Kick-ass it was....and it certainly was pain for days!

TGS (Technology GPL Society) & Frustrated Men! ;)

Cake! It was one of the most special Birthdays ever!!

Birthday parties, giving GPLs, going totally insane, being part of college fest, and most of all, making wonderful friends, some surely for a lifetime!!

It's been the most wonderful month! But with exams coming round the corner, I should better focus on 'coherence' and 'diffraction' than 'enjoyment' and 'action'!

Rightfully it is said "Education is what remains when a man has forgotten everything". For me, education is not what equations Prof keep scratching on the board for hours, but rather, the important lessons I get everyday from my surroundings!

Untitled...

2010-08-05T20:56:00.000+05:30

Since there are either too many or too less pictures and stuff to post about IIT KGP, I'm restraining from doing so at present...But this is one of it...August 1,2010

Shop No. N5, Tech Market, IIT Kharagpur, called the 'Jewel Watches'. Seemed to be another watch shop, which I found when no else watch store was ready to fix my watch. A tiny room. Only a single watch hangs on the back wall which still works. Rest of them, the alarms too, have gathered dust and are no newer. The man running the shop is in his mid sixties, and how many lives he survives with this shop is still unknown to me. Even if himself, I cannot say it suffices. He doesn't know Hindi, yet another thing to shorten down his business in this place. All I could do was to instruct him with hand movements and imagine how many years he's been here. A chair and a table completes the "necessity" of having furniture. Rusted tools. A 2003 calendar still on the wall. No lesser than 7 years has he been here. And no lesser than 15 years has he been riding the rusted cycle parked in front of his shop, 'in minimal condition for transport'. He has spent many evenings there, sitting bereft, sometimes with work, and sometimes without work. But there's no question of getting bored. It's all he has to own - the shop, the profession. I've never been great at 'words of expression', but if you could actually see through a life closely for 5 minutes, you'll actually find more than what proclaimed 'lovers about love' and 'literates about literature' deliver in 5 years. I wish to see everything around, never get bored. There's always been so much to see, feel.

"Kitna hua bhaiya?"
"Paanch taka (rupees)."

I knowingly overheard him and offered him Rs.10 and tried to rush as fast as I could, before he could possibly refuse. I did not pay him for service or pity, I paid him for his devotion.

PS : This may seem unclear on the emotional depth. But certain things can never be typed out...! :)

...

2010-06-20T14:51:00.002+05:30

Well hell yeah, I'm going for IIT!! ... I'm not too sane to go into the details, but I'll be designing and developing ships and structures! Maybe for Indian Navy someday... had an option for rockets @ ISRO too ... the Mohan Bhargava from 'Swades' kind of stuff, but that limits me to remain at it for five years after I graduate, and its not too pleasing an idea to remain stuck at a single workplace or pay them a Rs. 1 million bond!

Never wanted to do the geeky computer or electrical stuff either, and/or the 9 to 5 job! I've always wanted to go places, outside the streets that I've now gotten used to. The fact that I'm now actually into engineering, something I've always liked and kept interested to, is quite a feel now!... Since these last 8 months, I've seen quite lot things change. I prepared with interest, never overdoing any of it, enjoyed life and experiences as they came to me, and now going to be where I've been wanting to. There were people around who wanted to be Fashion Designers, some who did not know what they wanted to be, and some who wanted to just earn, and they all were preparing crudely for the single exam - JEE. And till now, I see no point in succeeding where none of them actually wanted to be.

None of this might be making sense since I'm going random, but I'll come up with clear thoughts later.

Well had been thinking randomly, three things I want to do or rather places where I want to travel, since I really want to!!

1. A journey to Paris and Venice!!...
2. Train from North most point of India to the South most point.
3. Some place unknown. The desert or forest kind of stuff!

This is all boring right now though, since I've pretty much retarded imagination to elaborate...

But this is what I've wanted to do! :)

Random Stuff.... just came to mind...

2010-04-28T12:09:00.000+05:30

I do, i try.
I laugh, i cry.
I ask what, i answer why.
I assume, i prefer.
I stay still, i stir.
I love black, i love white.
I 'm dull, i'm bright.
I love, i hate.
I destroy, i create.
I live, i die.

And that's how I let it all go by! :)

I've lost all my mind...

2009-02-10T20:24:00.002+05:30

Something is breaking,
Something has broken,
Why the damn,
So harsh could I've spoken.

I've lost all sense,
I've lost all my mind,
Only the lake of memories remain,
And everything has got lost with this running time.

Stitches complete the scars,
Or as they said
"Its not in your screwed stars",
I've lost all of it,
I've lost all sense,
I've lost all my mind.

I'll be there...

2009-02-10T20:14:00.003+05:30

When things get really low,
And there seems no light,
Don't worry, I'll be there,
To make everything all bright.

When you'll be in no mood to talk,
And you keep silent,
Don't worry, I'll be there,
For you, I meant.

When you'll feel all alone,
And everything might
Come to a stand,
Don't worry I'll be there,
To hold your hand.

When others say you didn't do good,
And you feel bad about it,
Don't worry I'll be there,
Next to you, And tell you the truth,
That what they said was all shit.

When you'll feel drifting away from me,
Cause you might not like me,
Don't worry I'll be there,
As always, as always...

Escapist...

2009-02-10T20:02:00.002+05:30

I'm unable to find an escape,
I've become a dope,
I'm drinking death,
And have lost all my hope.

Fast, fast, fast,
Run in haste,
I'm drinking it,
Like death it tastes.

I don't know what,
Is it, just a little
Effect of metal or
Is it the damn feeling,
Building in me each day,
And taking its toll over me.

Out on my own...

2009-02-09T20:20:00.005+05:30

I start again,

Folding the burnt leaves,

back into places

where they're supposed to be.

This time i shall slay

everything that comes in my way

forgiving what i've done

forbidding what others did!

I don't pretend,

I'll just do everything,

I don't know who you are,

or no matter how far,

I never lied,and expected the same,

but it all went on as a blame game.

Nothing makes any difference

I'm out on my own

And I stand alone

The dawn has begun

The dusk hounds shall stop

My bullet has your name

And now, I'm game.

Cause I'm Dying...!

2009-01-31T18:35:00.003+05:30

Hit me, pinch me,
Just one more time,
Cause I'm dying,
And I want to live everything.
Just again,
All over again,
Just one more time.

I'm screaming my lungs out,
Making the final call,
But it seems all my efforts have gone waste,
All this while,
Because you're not here.

Nothing is making sense,
The world is not round,
Nothing is helping me
,I'm gone numb,
Don't make me regret.

And here I go,
for the last time,
diving into the arms of destiny,
Hit me, pinch me,
Just one more time,
Cause I'm dying.

Something that had been going through my mind since a few days...and building up each day!!!

Karma...

2009-01-30T15:24:00.000+05:30

For the past six months,
He bowed before the soil,
To water the seeds,
That his father had given him, while he died.

He woke up each day,
To water them religiously,
Because he couldn't do much or his father in all his life,
And remained far away from him,
But this time tried to fulfill his last wish.

And today he woke up,
To find a germinating seed
Coming to life,
And so was his father coming alive,
closer to him this time.

Hope!

2009-01-28T11:34:00.001+05:30

I haven't seen hope,
In powerful and mighty,
But I've seen hope,
In an old man,
Who fights his diabetes,
Heart and brain problem,
His doctor tells him,
That he might die on any step he takes,
But even then,
He wakes up every morning,
To walk 400 steps,
Murmuring name of God,
Not to give him more days to live,
But to give him spirit to fight,
And to remind God,
That he's not lost yet,
And yet he works,
To keep others alive.
My heart weeps,
And my problems seem so timid,
To the strongest hopes of this fragile man,
Who shook me all over,
With his courage and optimism.
He holds me on my shoulder,
Telling me not to bother,
Death is truth my boy he says,
I'll be cried upon, and forgotten by the world soon,
But I'm not here for that,
But to teach you the things of life,
And to cure you of your illness,
That I've been sent by God for you,
And may God bless you my child...

Complex

2009-01-28T11:30:00.002+05:30

A morning sun,
Glowing with pride,
Or the horses,
Ready to take a stride,
A dark moon,
With its splendid aura,
Or the red roses,
And the beautiful flora.
Giggling children,
Or a crying newborn,
A pleasant wind,
Or a ravaging storm,
A day of the cold winter,
Or the burning summer,
A moment of the autumn,
Or uner the mortal drops of monsoon,
Everything is so pure,
So lifelike, so simple,
And I used to think,
My life itself was too complex...

Content?!

2009-01-28T11:25:00.001+05:30

Deeply I loved her,
But she'd higher hopes,
She wanted the best,
Why like e who was like the rest.
She has a man,
Who earns enough to keep her happy,
Who calls her dear,
Whilst he may not even have time for her to spare,
I stepped forward,
With her imagination as my guiding light,
She served as an inspiration,
And I moved ahead and ahead,
And rose from rags to riches,
But even now it's the richness of the heart,
That I feel content with,
My friend tells me I deserved her more,
But how can I tell him,
Its not a question of being deserving,
But a matter of love,
She looks happy,
If she's in real I cannot tell,
But if her happiness is there,
Then even mine isn't far behind,
And that's what's love is for,
I told my friend,
And it continues to grow forever,
With no coming end
I yearn for you,
And I know you do too,
Please come back
Complete my life
I wish to make it as it was
When you came
And as when you left!

Unworth!

2009-01-28T11:15:00.000+05:30

I'm not worthy of your heart,

For I cannot keep it in my hands,

With as much love and care it deserves,

For I need to work with those hands to keep me alive,

I haven't read about fairies,

Though I know a little about them,

But I don't know what they must look like,

If not like you,

I don't know what love is like,

If it is not the feelings and the life,

That you fuse into me,

And which dies without you.

Stand

2009-01-28T11:13:00.001+05:30

Stand for a change, not crisis;
Stand for action, not violence;
Stand for figuring out, not disfiguring things;
Stand for respect, not opposition;
Stand for peace, not war.

Random Thoughts....

2009-01-28T11:08:00.002+05:30

Now here starts the journey on the blog...

If I don't think about myself, no one would. But if I keep thinking about myself, then there's no use of me existing - quoted by some famous person, don't remember who!
I don't wish to make a differenec, but if that can be a smile, I'd not reconsider to make it happen.
I don't evaluate myself because I consider my potential in everything, be it being boring, philosophical, prodigy, dumb, or careless or whatsoever! And I'm least interested in managing things because atleast an unmanaged life brings something new everytime.
I might look confused, but I'm clear on better things :)

And i'm still in love...

2009-01-28T11:02:00.001+05:30

Friday, January 9, 2009 at 9:55pm

Its getting in cold here,
And how much i wish
If you were with me.
Its getting in hard here,
to live without you,
and your elegance i miss.
And i'm still in love.
Its getting much more difficult,
to rise up and walk,
missing those supportive hands,
with which you held mine.
And i'm still in love.
I remember the last year,
When you had went away,
I still not have been able to figure out why,
And i'm still in love.
But whatever may come,
I'll not let my love fade,
Only your name i hum.
And i'm still in love.
And i'll remain in love.

I've just begun to win...

2009-01-28T11:00:00.001+05:30

Friday, January 9, 2009 at 9:50pm

Suffocated,
Frustrated,
Hesitated,
But i'm not yet down,
Cause that's not for what i waited.
A mile i've walked,
1000 miles to walk,
A word i've spoken,
And thousands yet to talk.
But most of all,
I've begun,
Revolutionized,
Sacrificed,
And i'm not giving up.
Until the last drop of sweat
And the blood,
Is given up
For what i've toiled this far
.Now it's just one scar,
And hundreds yet to come.
But i've just begun to win,
And shall continue to,
Until the scars have hidden
My complete skin.
And i've just begun to win.

NEW Year!!!

2009-01-28T10:58:00.003+05:30

2009 - The Year Of Cow

Tuesday, December 30, 2008 at 8:01pm

This one is going to be pretty bad since i'm expecting the workload to increase...increase...and yeah increase...!

Just a few things i'll be doing this year...

1. I'll do everything in this new year which i didn't do in this one - includes learning the art of swallowing papers, incase another DRAWING tragedy happens!

2. I'm not going to do any GOOD which i did this year (I lost out on the seats just because of that!!!)

3. I'm going to save the environment and protect the nature ( i.e i'll stop giving away flowers - they look much better in the gardens than being wilted in your bedrooms)!!

4. Im and shall be optimistic about another suspension..

5. I'll try to improve on my lyrical abilities (i'm damn bad at lyrics of songs)..."kabhi kabhi kisi ki zindagi mein koi bhi aa jata hai"

6. Alright, you find your mention here Shilpi, and i'm not going to help you from now on...

7. I'll continue with my MP3 player, though i'm yet to get it back!

8. I'll try not to be frustrated with the different permutations and combinations of my name that people come up with.

9. I'll try to be punctual and improve my handwriting!

10. I'll be in touch with my old friends, unlike them..

11. I also gotta stop singing songs in my house...i know the chinkis have been having a tough time since!

12. Would try to remember birth dates, instead of facebook reminding me everytime...!

13. Simple outlook, simple year, that's all i'm looking ahead for!

14. Got to reduce my "chuck its" and theories (includes both scientific and about the QTs) and the bus stop waits!

15. I would keep away from the tetrahedral (whatever) trap of lub (interpretations may range from romance to love)!

16. I'll try to find myself a job of a driver...(alright, some specific reasons for that lol)!!!

17. I'll be in touch with my old friends....even if they're not! And for them, anyday!

18. I'll try to improve my concepts on "probability" and not ring up friends instead!

19. This year was something wonderful, and would wait for making this one as well.

20. I'll be patient and not ask many questions...particularly like GK - Mehendi Day!

21. Another SNM Riot yet to happen.

22. Stop calling people by some other names but only by their real ones!

23. I'll continue with being myself, no change, and would fail at all these resolutions as i've always!

I'd many more...but then...as usual would not go onto make any difference...so chuck it!

Sunday...!!!

2009-01-28T10:56:00.001+05:30

Sunday, December 21, 2008 at 8:37pm

Today was fun, especially after 9-11 and 3-5 torture got over!!! ...

Had asked Himanshi for bringing up all the X-B mates but she had no time and that too because of her neighbour who was such an a**!!

At 5:15 i just managed to call up Vishal, and then Sahil and Mao were available too! And Gautam came as well! And the fun we had, including the "dostana acts", "jalna", "100, 180, 280", "headbanging" - which has still left me and Sahil with cramps, and our heads have been just managing to keep away from falling!! Mehta was found as well, and where his life guard was, i cannot say!

Mao you owe us a treat and your sutta story was...well...tod!!! I never knew so many "FACTS"!!

And the ending "great run"...how can i forget it!!

Well, it was a great reunion. Especially after being away from my school from so long! And i don't have any worries about not attending the farewell anymore!!

Aur Vishal you gotta still tell your mom those questions which we did today!

And yea, the R15...i still got those...would put them soon if i find time!!!

The only thing i regret is, the camera wasn't put to proper "use"...(take yourself three years back)!!! Haha!!

Thanks buddies, all of you, the day hadn't been more complete! And yea, thanks bluebells, and all those friends out there, who might've made some of this possible!!!

Bak**** BAND UNlimited!!!

Workaholic..!

2009-01-28T10:54:00.001+05:30

Tuesday, December 9, 2008 at 4:23pm

17 hours...hadn't eaten anything since 9 last night...was able to have something only now...Completing the practical files, juggling classes...Workaholic i've become..!

Reminds me of yet another thing related to hunger:"Charity is not a bread given to a dog, charity is the bread given to the dog when you're as hungry as the dog"...

Ruthless studies, i'm not even hungry and they've been feeding me more and more questions...!

Strange are the ways of life and stranger are the ways i treat it...Life's going through a strange yet exciting phase...!

And this is from where the blog name comes...! :D

This week - mixed good and bad things! Random thoughts

2009-01-28T10:51:00.001+05:30

^ Bad And Good!

Sunday, December 7, 2008 at 7:47pm

1st december : 1st day of the month...!

2nd december : Bitter for something i'd have never wished to see ever in my life...the truth simply remains unknown...and i feel like kicking those arses...

3rd december : Gone off to light a candle for mumbaikars...!

4th december : Awareness you see - ...i put up a NACO logo on my shirt for the entire day...NACO = National AIDS control ORGANIZATION...and in the meantime appreciated for doing something for a cause by a teacher...!

5th december : Cloudy day...no sun...no heaven...and no __ !!!

6th december : Lost all the day for whatsoever no reason...!

7th december : Two women...the bearer of tomorrow's future...slap a conductor for misbehaving...Freedom is something you've to insist upon (-Ruskin Bond)...and so stands for rights...A nice action indeed...

BOMBay:
One good thing i heard in news "Forgiving the terrorists is in the hands of god, but fixing their appointment with god is our responsibility"...

I'd say till now people had been committing suicides driven by cuts in jobs and falling sensex...who the f*ck called the terrorists....in between, pakistan is antonym to its name...for "pak" stands for purity and intergrity, and "pakistan" stands for terrorism and losers...

NSG did a good job...and the real face of the dogged politicians has surfaced only now...

Ram Gopal Varma - wasn't he damn satisfied with the repute of his movies that he went off to check the Taj terror site...

As they say, good things would be back again, TAJ and the spirit of the nation would be back if not yet...

Exempt Asif Zardari, LTTE, LeT, RGV, Vilasrao, etc etc from the above statement...

Well, one things for sure about media, it's just diverted from the fact that this is not the only NATIONAL attack on India, forgot the Kashmir, Orissa, Nandigram issues?...And last but not the least to mention, Raj Thackeray, who's now hidden into his kennel whilst his other dog friends are either making BOLD and F*CKING statements and/or trying to garner support with their statements about condemning the attack...

Where is ManMohan Singh and his Goddess Sonia Gandhi...are they yet onto decide until we've got the same news again, but for delhi this time...

I'm not scared of delhi being hit by a bomb, for delhi has enough goodwill to help each other, and a courageous en mass...but i'm just thoughtful, why don't the terrorists kidnap another IC-814 but this time loaded with all the entire parliament members...i'd pay my part of the taxes needed to buy enough planes for this noble purpose...!

Indians have got Citywalk malls, hi-tech cities, but not yet enough technology to track the difference between a fishing boat and a vessel carrying armor (i know what the drawbacks had been this time, and can't actually blame navy), but their and mumbai police's unwillingness to act as per intelligence agencies information made this disaster happen.

India is in the nuclear deal with US, and i guess pakistan has already figured out ways to sneak into the places where the plants are to be set up...

100 years from now, if this is the case, you might as well see your neighbours working out the models of a nuclear bomb, and news reporters shouting out - 10 missiles and 19 troops of terrorists in a single day hits the country....

Change is always better than regretting upon what can't be changed later....Let us stand for a change...If not changing the PAKistanis, changing the way our government thinks about us, voting to change them...and changing the complete idea of NEGOTIATE to SHOOT AT SIGHT....!!!

Broken Dreams

2009-01-28T10:48:00.001+05:30

Saturday, November 15, 2008 at 9:32pm

This is supposedly not a poem, and specially after the untitled one, i'm not planning to write any, all thanks to telepathy.

Broken Dreams...
Thousands of dead images,
rush past me every night,
they're nothing,
but my broken dreams,
which come back to me
again and again,
making me realize,
what all i lost,
what all i could've gained.
But i see no use,
for i have found the most precious thing in my life,
which i can never lose,
which couldn't and can't be ever "gained",
but given,
i feel that's love,
i might not have enough of it,
but i've enough to give,
for it's not always give and take in this world,
but doing what you can,
and doing what you shall not regret,
just not the way i regret having my dreams broken,
but then i realize,
they weren't actually my dreams,
because what all i dream now is love,
and love can never be broken,
it's not something we read about,
it's not something we talk about,
but it's something we feel,
the broken dream is mended,
the love regained,
the happiness restored,
in those lives where i scattered it,
and in my life,
which makes me feels obliged to be given the task,
of lightening the darkness,
of bringing back hope,
and the faith in dreams.

Life as i see it - Part 3

2009-01-28T10:47:00.001+05:30

Saturday, November 15, 2008 at 9:29pm

Sometimes we've so much in life and yet are bound by so little.

Waves of thoughts emerge and are suppressed.

Priests spread wars and soldiers spread peace - perhaps quoted by William Blake.

I'm random and if not spontaneous, I don't choose what i speak, that takes out the fun.

Most of the happiness comes from the smallest things in life, and yet if we've faith in self, the largest of troubles can not shake the tiniest bit of our own belief.

I wish not to be known, but would just wish for a secluded life.

I'm lucky that i don't own those deceptive books titled "How To Live Life", because i'm much more happy to learn that from experiences.

I lost my poetry notebook in 2004, and then lost a story in the making on an HIV+ boy...Just because the computer was formatted. The world lost its two master (disaster) pieces...And yet i'm creating more disasters here on facebook and the blog...

I'm more of random...That is much better...Grammatical etc mistakes regretted, because i use cellphone for net, and then, technology here hasn't evolved much to correct the mistakes automatically...And don't have time to re-read...After all, when thesedays, people don't have time for other people, i'm rather just excusing re-reading... :)

Untitled...

2009-01-28T10:42:00.001+05:30

We remain mortals, but its love that makes us immortal!

Monday, November 10, 2008 at 7:38pm

This is the first attempt since last 2 years to really write something...I was writing something different, but it turned out to be different. I wanted this to be a reflection, but this turned out to be the insight of my thoughts. I don't know if this flows like a poem, or a musical, but all i know is that it's just my thoughts, untied...

No one stayed around this fellow,
stuck he was in such troubles,
that none bothered to say even "hello".
Pessimistic,he'd lost all his hopes,
because no one came forward,
not one from his own folks.
The life itselfceased to exist for him,
struck by agony,
everything made his wits go dim.

But just as the sunbrings a new day,
an angel came into his life,
when his world was all dark and grey.
And yes,
the meaning of his life,
she became,
everything little looked so wonderful,
precious and sweet -
a twig of a tree, a dried rose, a muddy road, and the drenching rain...

She brought joy,
she brought happiness,
he was dumbstruck,
far too left in awe to speak,
choice of words he didn't have,
she was delicate, beautiful, far too meek.
The story is long,
but they both fell in love,
the words of love - did he speak,
when in reply she kissed him on cheek.

Thunder struck,lightning tore apart the sky,
for she forgot that she was forbidden by the Gods to fall in love,
and back to heavens - she was ordered to fly.

The story is abridged -the Gods were displeased by her act,
but knew that she was in love for fact.
They told her,
that she could go to him,
back on Earth,
but would've to live life as a common couple,
on that land, where for commoners, there was no dearth.

She winked once,
and without thinking,
she said yes,
cause all she thought was of the man who loved her.
Because she knew,
he loved her far more,
than the happiness those wings
and the angelic land could give her.

She went back to Earth,
to meet her love - the one who was just a common man.

And the end of her immortality was not tragic,
but they both, in their simple lives,
added simple things to create magic.
Deeply in love,
unshaken by their poverty or problems,
they spent days together,
not afraid of the death that would come to both as a commoner,
but they joyfully lived in each other's loving arms rather.

None of you shall but know,
if they lived happily all the same,
because the story goes on,
and yes they lived happily ever after,
else without the angel,
his life would've ceased to exist,
once again, forever this time.

Life as I see it - Part 2

2009-01-28T10:25:00.001+05:30

Sunday, November 2, 2008 at 10:00pm

Life laughs,
Life cries,
Life lives,
Life dies...

Some great philosopher, or a man hit by fate must've quoted with what can be undoubtedly labelled (by me) to be as a true and close description of something pronounced as l-i-f-e, which is trillion times harder to understand practically.

I'm no fanatic, no philosophy freak, no genius (my writings would reflect that as often as India's north-east rains, or corrupt politicians), not an anthropophagy either (so don't worry, i'm not luring you)...Though i might appear demented or someone who's out of the world, but i've those same homo sapien genetics and normal number of XY chromosomes, the equivalent number of neurons as well, which've been tightly fitted (although lacking in numbers)...
And ofcourse, i make those usual introspections which every human being would make (spare the sadists)...

Well i've left the pessimist approach long time back, and am a full fledged optimist, because now i believe in accepting the mistakes of mine...And as it might've ever been said, "the man who makes no mistakes, has not done anything at all"....I've done over my mistakes (made them part of my experiences, instead of eradicating them)...And have strived to start on a new life...And even i don't know if leaving this facebook (for me it's just a place where i can scribble something i feel like in "my notes") would be part of another new beginning...If it's today, it should be today...And if i delay, that'd nothing except my unwillingness to take up things, the fear of loss...I'm now trying, no matter what might be lost, cause being afraid of loss and failure might take myself nowhere except grief, and guilt...

I know i've been random, but i let things flow...

Today was a learning experience, i actually realized who my actual friends were...(no generalisations)...And came to know how can a simple half hour journey from Hauz Khas To Asharam change your thinking towards everything...Everything...

And what Sir Mukesh said was right to the core,"most of the people around just need help, and they can do it without you...But they want to make you incorrigible, and in the end, you'll be left alone"

And this is what i've paid heed to...And have made myself ready, not for being alone, but for a new discovery...Mahatma Gandhi and Buddha had said- you learn the true meaning of life when you're alone...

A new beginning, a new dawn in thoughts indeed...
I'm waiting and working for the thoughts to blossom into action as well...Soon enough...Before it might be too late to speculate or introspect anything...

Life as I see it - Part 1

2009-01-28T10:22:00.001+05:30

Thursday, October 30, 2008 at 2:16am

Every time you move a step ahead, they change the conditions, and put you two steps back.They call it community, but i label it nothing more than a mob which is ready to set ablaze a tiny house for it might have belonged to another revolutionary who might have broken some rules, as i've been doing. The only difference, those revolutionaries are running away from death, whilst i've been moving into it.

Riots are not caused by any religion, but the destroyers of hope called terrorists...they're definitely masterminds, cause of their ability to pacify any hopes and peace in society, and instigate the common man to fight for his rights through the immoral way - which eventually creates another terrorists, whose hopes were killed by the former..when this chaini stops, every good thing would happen...

r else there would be world wars for even little ink (there already were, as all the declarations were signed in ink)...I'm not mahatma, but i introspect...I'm not a great writer or orator, but i believe in a rising sun, a dawn, a peaceful world...

There are things beyond our own problems, and when we begin acknowledging them, the magic starts...I don't try hard, but hardest, and if that makes some difference, of even moving a tiniest cell in brain of people, I'd be grateful...

I'm mixed up with things, but would eventually clear them...

I've built faith, and would work to keep it till the end...

Breaking the silence...

2009-01-28T09:42:00.001+05:30

10/05/2007 10:03:48

Well to destroy my monotony, I am just writing a small poem on Success and another version of Those Blue Eyes - the first short story by me...well I know its quite kiddish, but I had to break the silence somehow... :)

Those Blue Eyes...

All I could see around were insane flocks of cattle portrayed to be humans. I stepped inside ever the same - dusty & stinky restrooms of the Deogarh railway station. It was a sloggish place altogether...The board of the railway station that hung there was soon to find its place in a mueseum someday. The over aged-clock hung there had overgrown its usability as well. I stepped further to find myself a place to rest till my train came.

I placed myself perfectly near the door, next to a woman in her thirties knitting a cardigan with her luggage close to her for protection from the rogues. Maybe she would have looked the same in her fifties as well. The voices of the lemonade, coffee, tea sellers could be easily heard..which were often replaced by panting engines. I was happy to be before time for my train for I was visiting my age old friend on his birthday.

Taunting shouts of the coolies and the hustle bustle of the station often disturbed me from my naps. The station would seem like a sales market whenever the train would arrive and it would be all calm and peaceful back again soonafter. I looked at my watch - 20 minutes to go for my train. I made my move and carried off the luggage to my platform.

My train had arrived, I fought my way against the crowd to find my way into the coach. A nab in the jaw from another passenger who looked to be in more hurry hurt me in the meanwhile. I found my seat soon enough, and placed me and my luggage next to an old person. I tried to find out what time actually was left for the train before it left. I looked at my wrist, just to realize that my brother gifted watch was no longer there. I made an escapade back to the restrooms worrying for the watch had been gifted to me on my birthday and was special in its own way.

I came back to my seat in the coach, remorseful and unhappy for not finding my watch. I was speculating just when the frail voice of my fellow passenger startled me, "Was this what you were looking for?", and took out the epitoph of my happiness - my watch, from his pocket. Before I could ask anything he spoke again, " Don't thank me, it was a young lady with blue eyes who came up and gave this to me, to handover this to you. You should thank her rather.", pointing through the window towards the crowd on the station. I could see no one except a heavy crowd. The engine had started shunting up and down and I was left with no time to get off the train. I became regretted again for not having thanked her for help...I just glazed through the window to search for the thankful face in the crowd...I looked at the crowd till the voices of the coolies were replaced by the engine shunting and screeching out loud...and crowd replaced by lonely fields...searching regretfully and thankfully for those blue eyes...

Might remind you of "The woman on platform no. 8" by Ruskin Bond...and that's where the inspiration comes from! :)

Success

No one could reach at par,
If with old ideas he kept on moving,
But the one,
who created his own conceptions,
And the old ideas he kept disapproving.
The ones who hailed - destiny and luck,
Achieved nothing more but dismantled dreams,
The achievers were those who fought like warriors,
Against futility barehanded - with no means.
The badge of success-
On mere thinkers did not shine,
But to those who made thinking possible
And practical, it did confine.
Those who feared the mighty tumultous waves,
Never reached their goal and did fail,
But those who won courageously entered the waters,
And let their ships valiantly sail.
Past failures bother everyone,
But actually lost were those who did sigh,
And became the winners those - unbothered
And thinking still more high.
Success is not an easy going,
No other could climb high,
Than the one who wiped the sweat
And bandaged his thigh
To say "Once more...harder this time"!

A Tragic Fresh New Beginning...

2009-01-28T09:38:00.000+05:30

25/03/2007 19:25:23

My exams are just ending up on 28th..So I find some time to hop down here and write about the life's monotony..Don't get worried that I gave my boards and am fearing to fail because I have wrote them well indeed and would make it through well but these days during the exams, I felt somewhat matured from my inner soul and in my ideas..And as I am no longer the 14 year boy you know but rather a 16 year one now, I have started having deep thoughts over myself and my life. Even a bird flying in the air makes me speculate of freedom and happiness that she has and the other way round, the hardships and pain that she suffers in order to survive herself. Same is with me...I just want to discover my inner myself...WHO AM I? WHAT AM I DOING IN THIS WORLD? WHATS NOW AND WHATS NEXT? This unreal world has made me a vagabond to discover the meaning of my own life...Just awaiting the answers...and trying to find out them in my random thoughts...See you all soon...

Happy Friendship Day

2009-01-28T09:36:00.001+05:30

06/08/2006 16:27:11

A very happy friendship day to all my friends................

Here's a poem by me about a friend who forgets his most truthful and best friend when he was in need...I hope you shall not do the same with me and others.......Happy Friendship Day by the way......

He walked with me,
He held my hand,
When I fell down,
He held me bland.
He talked with me,
Bringing me some moments
Of happiness, taking away my sorrow,
Asked me if my pains he could borrow.
Again I fell,
Again he held me tightly,
I felt the pain but it was lost in
What he brought - happiness and glee.
Yes, I remember him,
He was my friend,
Whom I forgot to hold,
When he fell...

Nuclear World And Terrorism...

2009-01-28T09:32:00.001+05:30

05/08/2006 15:27:38

Tomorrow is the day when US dropped bombs over Hiroshima leaving behind the scenario of sorrow and death. So, just to symbolify it, I had written a poem for nuclear world and a bit essence of terrorism it...

We cry over the day,
When we coined the word 'nuclear'
Which left millions - perished, destructed,
Leaving the existence of mankind vague and unclear.
The 'fat man' over Japan,
Put a question to existence of mankind,
As a result of which,
Even today people live paralysed and blind.
Anthrax and other toxins - For humans hard to cope,
Just like devils of death,
They take away our survival's last hope.
Even the destiny of world
In front of the terrorists failed
In suitcases, bags and letters - Death to us they mailed.
This new nuclear world,
Wiped all the signs of life,
It's aftershocks so horrible,
That to human life,
they added strife.
Let's join our hands together,
To make the world a better place,
To grow seeds of optimism, hope and peace,
And to end terrorism and nuclear race.

I Hope...

2009-01-28T09:29:00.000+05:30

30/07/2006 14:03:30

I hope…I hope for your eyes,
To see the morning sunrise,
I hope for your hand,
For to I touch the blossoming flowers,
I hope for your arm,
To feel the drizzling rain showers.
I hope for your hair,
To sway them amidst the air,
I hope for your nose,
To smell the budding rose,
I hope for your cheek,
For my tears to roll down them,
I hope for your lips,
For the goodnight kiss,
I need your feet,
To run on the shore,
I need your memory,
All the more.
But most important,
I need you,
At the end of my life...

Thats Love......The First Love

2009-01-28T09:27:00.001+05:30

04/12/2005 10:50:24

When I open my eyes,
I see your face,
Just your one smile,
And I am full of grace.
Whenever I sleep,
You conquer my dream,
Your eyes are sweet and shiny,
Just like sunlight on water of a stream.
The whole day I sit still,
And look at you...
only you,
I am not at all lying,
This is all the more true.
You are the princess,
The Princess of My Heart,
You gave my life a meaning,
A reason for a new start.
I had never seen a beauty like you,
Just heard in stories of it,
Whenever I talked to you,
I talked everything except "that bit".
You made my life a heaven
A heaven brought on Earth,
You are an angel to me,
You brought love with you,
Thank you,
O thank you thee.
You are the first and the last
,The only love of my life,
It's you for whom the whole life,
I am ready to strife.

Geography

2009-01-27T22:40:00.002+05:30

26/11/2005 22:10:35

What a boring class it was,
The geography class was a time pass,
Ecosystem we are studying about,
Towards the subject I was having doubt.
I looked at the board,
The scribblings were white,
Silence was in the 'atmosphere',
From the window came in the sunlight bright.
I gazed outside at the trees,
Making my notebook pages crease.
Please period get over fast,
I don't know till you get over will I last.

Journey Of Life

2009-01-27T22:37:00.001+05:30

(love is all we need)

10/11/2005 12:40:29

Many came
Many passed by
Some walked along
Some made me wrong
Some went in front
Some were left at the back
Two gave me hand
One gave me some sweet pack
Needs were always taken care of
But not in actual
Everybody gave me what i did not want
But there was no one who gave me love
Not a bit of care...

My Longing

2009-01-27T22:33:00.001+05:30

10/10/2005 14:02:20

I stood by the door......with my eyes wide open......hoping to see you......with my eyes longing......for your one view......the years went by......I still wait for you......but you never came back.

Those Blue Eyes..........

2009-01-27T22:32:00.002+05:30

20/08/2005 10:43:29

I was going from Delhi to Chandigarh to my grandmother's house who had not seen me for a long time. I was all alone as my parents thought me capable enough of going there alone.I was fortunate enough to get the window seat in the train. I was watching the greenary, farms and fields through the window sitting in the train but then the train came to a halt. It was a station. I thought of having some snacks there. I got down and went to the tea - stall. But when i reached my hands to my pocket, my money was no longer there. I searched for it all over. Oh no! my money was gone.Seeing me desperately searching for something a woman, maybe 25-27 years, a blue saree and blue eyes came to me. She asked me what i had been looking for. In the beginning i was suspicious with her motives, but the woman's calmness took my suspicion away. When i told her what had happened she asked if she could lend me some money. I was to refuse but my condition and her eyes, which had a sort of magic-- a hypnotism, made me agree to her. She also bought me some tea and some biscuits.Now, the train was to leave amd i hurried down to the train. When I occupied my seat, near the window, i bid goodbye to the woman and promised her to return the money. She smiled. Just then I realized that I hadn't asked her name and address. The train engine was sunting slowly. I shouted to ask her but there was no reply. It seemed as if she too didn't want to tell me her address and name.From then on, i frequently visit the station, with the woman's money in my hands, to search for the woman who helped me even when she didn't know me with the blue eyes.....

The photo doesn't go with it...but never mind...its still sweet!

Friends

2009-01-27T22:31:00.001+05:30

07/08/2005 21:01:33

God gave us friends in this world,
Because he wanted us not to be alone,
he made them accompany us,
So that we never moan or groan.
Friend is the one who brings a smile to our face,
He's the one who helps us keep in pace.
Distress, Anger?
He's the one who gets us out,
He's the one whom we can complain and shout.
Friends are the one with whom we share
Our feelings and sorrow and they take care.
Friends are the jewel created by Thee,
And I thank him for making one for me.

UpS aNd DoWnS iN LiFe

2009-01-27T22:30:00.001+05:30

07/08/2005 20:48:55

Life Life Life
Life is like a river,
Sometimes left,
sometimes right,
There are many ups and downs,
Some happiness and some frights.
The life goes above the pebbles like a river,
Crossing all the hindrances to achieve its aim,
Everything in the world changes,
But only you remain the same.
Getting over hindrances is our job,
We have to solve our problems on our own,
We might face many failures,
But it would be useless to moan and groan.
Life is a mixture of happiness and sorrow,
But we have friends to share and borrow
.Life is like a tree,Leaves come and leaves fall,
The same way in our life,
Opportunities come and failures fall.
The only ways to make our life meaningful,
Despite all the ups and downs are,
Help others help others, love others, live life,
And you will surely have the happiness showers.

Quotes!

2009-01-27T22:28:00.002+05:30

21/07/2005 15:08:52

Worthless thoughts are those pearls which can be only found in a few stupids that exist in this world.

28/07/2005 10:23:29

Yesterday has passed, today will pass in planning for the future and then what will be your future?

Nature Love

2009-01-27T22:27:00.001+05:30

08/07/2005 17:24:51

The wind flows with a whistling sound,
The birds fly taking many rounds,
The greenary is spread all over,
Freshness is in the Rain Showers.
Colourful life everywhere,
A world to be preserved with care,
Red, pink, yellow and many flowers,
Trees as high as Eiffel Towers.
The Sun shines bright in the sky,
The Moon looks at us up high,
The Nightingale sings a lovely song,
which i had never heard since long.
The mountains high bound till the sky,
The world is sweet and for us a treat.
Oh! What a lovely World,
The God created for me.
I love it more than heaven,
And I thank you O Thee!

Examination Fever

2009-01-27T22:26:00.002+05:30

02/07/2005 14:38:51

Examinations are near,
But wait in didn’t study the whole year.
English words didn’t go in my mind,
Hindi books I couldn’t find.
Maths is too confusing,
Science I wish there was a choosing.
Social studies is mindblowing,
Sanskrit I wish there was a choosing.
I wish god if he gave me a genius’ mind,
So that answers to all questions I could find

Indian Actors

2009-01-27T22:24:00.002+05:30

02/07/2005 14:37:40

Sharukh is the best actor,
Coolness is his great factor.
Hrithik is also too good,
But that depends on viewer’s mood.
Salman’s hairstyles are too cool,
But sometimes he may seem to be fool.
Shahid is the youngest guy,
But sometimes he is too shy.
Amitabh is the king of crores,
When he comes the halls are filled with furors.
Abhishek is the prince,
He came to bollywood since.
When we see Saif chilled,
Our hearts with joys are filled.
John Abraham is the best,
In Dhoom he leaves behind the rest.
Uday chopra performs incredible stunts in Dhoom.
As in the movie he suddenly looms.
All the actors are great,
And have in them some trait.

Rakhi or Friendship Band

2009-01-27T22:23:00.001+05:30

02/07/2005 14:36:36

When I saw her in her eyes,
She gave a big smile,
Not for so long,
But just for a little while.
On rakshabandhan she gave a smile like wild,
But I didn’t lose control and remained calm and mild.
The reason I didn’t know,
But it was soon going to give me a big blow.
On friendship day,
when I gave her a friendship band and a bouquet of rose,
It seemed as if her anger arose.
She threw them all and tied me a Rakhi instead,
And now with my wounded heart and sadness this life I don’t need.

Blog shift...

2009-01-27T22:20:00.002+05:30

Well I've now shifted my blog here (from previous chandanjali.rediffblogs.com)...and just putting up all the posts from the previous one here together! The blog and my life have just begun...